


Happier

by not_a_total_basket_case



Series: Song Fics [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, F/M, Pining, Post-Break Up, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 17:37:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20012212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_a_total_basket_case/pseuds/not_a_total_basket_case
Summary: Clarke GriffinFriday 4:10pmIs Bellamy seeing someone?Raven ReyesFriday 4:11pmYes.I was going to tell you.Clarke doesn’t respond, shoving her phone back into her pocket and taking a steadying breath. She doesn’t get to be mad at Bellamy for moving on more than a year later. It’s totally within his rights to be with a pretty girl that makes him smile like that. He deserves to smile like that.





	Happier

**Author's Note:**

> Look, this is just me working through some shit as a multishipper. And also, I started this just after I got broken up with. Sorry, not sorry.  
> Based on the song Happier by Ed Sheeran and from Clarke’s pov, but with no happier for Clarke. This is **not** a happy fic. This is **all** angst. There is **no** happy ending. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Don’t come at me trashing becho. I’ll block you.

Clarke blanches as she ducks into the doorway of the closest shop. She stares at her locked phone and makes sure her beanie is covering the blonde of her hair, only showing the red ends. It had been long and light the last time she’d seen him. He wouldn’t recognise her now, not without seeing her face. Everything about her has changed in the last twelve months, down to the fleece lined denim jacket and Doc Martens she’s stolen from Raven. 

Which means she can steal a glance across the street without being noticed. She lifts her eyes from her phone without moving her head and her stomach plummets even further. It’s definitely Bellamy. He’s wearing the same jacket he always does, his hair a little longer and his face sporting a little more hair than she’s used to. But it’s him. It’s definitely him. The heart she’d broken at the same time she shattered her own. 

But it’s been twelve months, a whole year. Maybe she should go over there and say hi. Maybe they’d start talking again. Maybe she could apologise and they’d move past it and they could try again. They wouldn’t be the first in their friendship group to break up and get back together. 

But then they hadn’t really been together in the first place. Clarke had made sure of that. So maybe she could apologise and they’d finally get their shot. 

She’s about to step into the street, cross the road and finally speak to him after all these months when the door he’s standing beside opens. She freezes. Because even from where she’s standing, she can see his face break into a grin as a tall, dark-haired woman steps out and into his arms. And even in that brief moment, she can see he looks happier than he ever did when they were together. 

She steps inside the shop, her breathing heavy and her palms sweaty. This is her own fault. She’s the one who had called it off with him. 

And it was for the best. She’d made the right call. She can’t go over there and take it all back now. It wasn’t just her involved. Not just him. Not even just his new girlfriend. She can’t put herself back in that situation again. She won’t do that to him. 

“Can I help you ma’am?” Someone asks, but she shakes her head. She doesn’t even know what shop she’s in. She just doesn’t want Bellamy and who she assumes is his new girlfriend to spot her. 

She unlocks her phone and types out a message to Raven. 

**Clarke Griffin** **  
****Friday 4:10pm** **  
** _ Is Bellamy seeing someone?  _

**Raven Reyes** **  
****Friday 4:11pm** **  
**_ Yes.  _ _  
_ _ I was going to tell you.  _

Clarke doesn’t respond, shoving her phone back into her pocket and taking a steadying breath. She doesn’t get to be mad at Bellamy for moving on more than a year later. It’s totally within his rights to be with a pretty girl that makes him smile like that. He deserves to smile like that. 

\----

“I don’t get to be mad,” Clarke says, laying with her head hanging off Raven’s bed and a wine bottle in her hand. She can’t drink it because she’s upside down, which is probably for the best. She’s already very drunk. “I called it off. I hurt  _ him. _ ”

“You’re not wrong,” Raven agrees. “But you can be sad. I know how much it hurts.” 

It’s not a dig. It’s support. Raven had seen her boyfriend move on while he was still dating her. Raven knows better than anyone what it’s like to be in love with someone you shouldn’t be. 

“I fucked up, Rae,” Clarke groans. “I shouldn’t have called it off.” 

“I don’t want to sound harsh or anything,” Raven says, looking at Clarke with more sympathy than she feels like she deserves. “But it’s kind of too late. Echo is great and he’s really happy.” 

“I know,” Clarke mutters. “That makes it worse.” 

“Look,” Raven says, rolling over so her head is next to Clarke and she can face her. They’re both upside down now and Clarke doesn’t know if it’s making her feel more or less nauseous. “Maybe it’s time to try and move on. It’s been a year. Maybe you should go out and try and meet someone new?”

“Maybe you’re right,” Clarke agrees, just because she doesn’t have it in her to disagree. 

“Let’s go out tomorrow night,” Raven says. “It’ll be Saturday, everywhere will be busy. We’ll find you someone. You can move on too.” 

Clarke thinks it’s a bad idea. She’s not really in the mood to go out and try to find someone to hook up with. But she’s willing to try anything. And Raven is the smartest person she knows. She knows what she talking about. 

“Yeah,” Clarke says softly. “Let’s do it.”

\----

“I don’t know if this is such a good idea,” Clarke mutters as she pulls her dress down. They’re waiting in line and it’s cold but she didn’t bring a jacket. She knows once they get inside she won’t need it but that doesn’t help her now. “I don’t really feel up to this.”

“It’ll be fine, Griffin,” Raven says, as they move forward half a step. “This place is always full of people and the music is so loud you won’t even be able to think. Plus, it’s been a year. It’s time.”

“I know what you’re saying is right,” Clarke says. “But I just don’t know if I’m ready.” 

“That’s fine,” Raven shrugs. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But let’s just go out and have a good night and forget that you’re sad. We can just hang out.” 

Clarke squeezes her best friends hand as they hand their IDs to the guy on the door who definitely spends too long looking at Raven while Clarke glares at him. She’s so grateful she has Raven as a friend. While Raven doesn’t entirely understand why she broke off whatever she had with Bellamy, she supports her. Even though she’s friends with him too. 

They get inside and order drinks and go straight to the dancefloor. It’s only half a minute later that Clarke is dragging Raven back to the bar because one drink just isn’t going to cut it. She orders them both a shot and a cocktail which means Raven grins at her and orders another shot from a different bartender.

“Ease up turbo,” Clarke laughs, “I want to survive the night.” 

“You’ll be fine,” Raven says, handing over the second shot and throwing hers back. “It’s going to be a good night.” 

They end up back on the dancefloor and in a weird dance off that they always do when there is any amount of tequila involved. Clarke is definitely winning and it’s confirmed when Raven announces she has to pee, leaving Clarke to look around. Maybe going home with someone isn’t such a bad idea. She hasn’t been with anyone since she was with Bellamy and what better way to forget him than to replace her memories of him with memories of someone else. 

She locks eyes with a girl with long dark hair a stoic gaze, who raises an eyebrow at Clarke. It might just be judgement of her weird dancing but it might be a challenge. And Clarke always rises to a challenge. So she saunters in her direction, throwing her hair over her shoulder.

“Do you want to dance?” Clarke asks. 

“Not like you were,” the girl says, her stony expression falling for a second and Clarke can see she’s trying to hide a grin. “But I wouldn’t mind dancing like a normal person.”

“Rude,” Clarke laughs, the tequila giving her more of an attitude than she normally displays to strangers. “But okay.” 

“I’m Lexa, by the way,” the girl says into Clarke’s ear.

“Clarke.” 

They dance for a few minutes, hands on each other's hips and it would feel weirdly middle school if it weren’t charged with electricity that Clarke can feel between them. It isn’t the same as what she was used to with Bellamy. But she couldn’t deny that there was something there. Maybe Raven is right. Maybe Clarke should go home with someone. It might make her feel better. 

“Clarke,” Raven shouts, tugging on her shoulder so she is forced to whirl around, half dragging Lexa with her. “I’m so sorry. We gotta go.”

“What the fuck, Raven?” Clarke asks, half glaring at her best friend. But then she notices them and she instantly knows why Raven is trying to get her to leave. 

Sitting at the bar is Bellamy. She hasn’t seen him in a year and now she’s just about run into him twice in days. He has his hand on Echo’s waist and she’s clearly laughing at something he’d just said. He’s smiling broader than Clarke had ever seen and it instantly tears at her insides. He never looked so carefree with her. 

And so instead of following Raven out of the club like she really wants, she plasters a smile to her face and turns back to her friend and Lexa and says, “why would we have to go?” 

“Are you sure?” Raven asks, looking at her sceptically. “This isn’t really what I had in mind.”

“Whatever,” Clarke says, the grin still on her face. “Let’s get another drink, do you want to join?” 

Lexa and Raven follow her to the bar, where she orders them all another tequila shot and a drink. They each throw it back and take their drinks back to a table. Lexa tries to ask what’s going on but Clarke is quick to change the subject. She doesn’t want to think about Bellamy and how happy he is and how bad she fucked up. 

Because it doesn’t matter how many times she says it. She can’t change it.

Instead, she focuses her attention on Lexa, flirting and giggling until Raven disappears. She gets a text checking that Clarke is okay and when Clarke confirms it, Raven says she is going home. 

Clarke doesn’t mind, it means she can focus her attention on Lexa and keep her eyes away from the couple she’s just caught laughing  _ again _ . Honestly, what could be so funny in a club? 

She shakes her head. She’d come here to forget about Bellamy and his girlfriend. She needs to stop looking at them. Stop wondering if Bellamy has seen her. She needs to focus on what Lexa just said.

“Sorry?” Clarke calls over the music. “I didn’t catch that?” 

“I said,” Lexa repeats, “do you want to get out of here?” 

“I do,” Clarke agrees, throwing another glance over her shoulder. Bellamy has Echo wrapped in his arms as they sway to a song that is much to fast for that style of dancing. She wants to hate them, but really she’s just jealous. She and Bellamy were never like that. Never got those moments of carefree joy that she’s seeing them experience right now.

She tears her eyes away because Lexa is in front of her and interested and Raven is right. She needs to move on. 

She follows her out of the club, onto the street and watches as she dials for a taxi. Clarke kisses back when Lexa presses her mouth to her. She giggles as they fall into the cab. She lets Lexa take her hand and drag her up the three flights of stairs into her apartment. 

She tries to focus on the softness of her hair and the smoothness of her skin, but it’s Bellamy’s face she’s picturing between her thighs. 

And as she dresses later, she knows it wouldn’t be fair to call Lexa again. Not when her heart is too caught on someone else. She slips out the door and into the cold night.

\----

Clarke lays in bed until late Sunday morning feeling sorry for herself. She’s hungover and dehydrated but she doesn’t want to get out of bed yet. She has more moping to do. 

She knows she hurt Bellamy when she called it off. She regretted it pretty much immediately but she couldn’t take it back. And after everything they’d been through, everything they were on the edge of, she still didn’t tell him why. And she’d made sure she’d said the words that would hurt him most.

_ “Bellamy,” Clarke had said, standing in the doorway of his apartment. She didn’t want to go inside because that would make it harder. And it’s already going to be the hardest thing she’d ever done. If she goes inside they would slip back into their regular pattern. Hanging out, cuddling, sleeping together. “We need to talk.” _

_ “Alright?” He said, the confusion was evident on his face. Clarke was never this serious. “Come in.”  _

_ “I can’t come in,” she said, shaking her head. “We need to end this.”  _

_ They hadn’t been together, but they weren’t far off. They’d been sleeping together for months and she had been pretty sure he was her best friend. But it had all been in secret, behind closed doors and stolen moments when no one was watching. And it couldn’t be anything other than that. It hadn’t been what Clarke wanted but it was all she could give him. And it wasn’t fair. He deserved more.  _

_ “What?” Bellamy asks, his confusion turning to distress. He didn’t want it to end anymore than she did. “No, we don’t.” _

_ “We do,” Clarke said. She’d thought about explaining everything to him but she’d known he would tell her he didn’t care. That he wanted it anyway. That they’d find a way to make it work. That they could keep it the way they were. He’d probably tell her he loved her. Because he did. She loved him too. “We’re not compatible.”  _

_ “We are, Clarke,” Bellamy insisted, trying to reach for her hands.  _

_ “We’re from different worlds. They don’t mix. What’s the point of being together when we know it’s not going to be forever?” She’d told him. “It’s not worth it.”  _

_ “If we want it, it’s worth it,” he said. His eyes had been shining and she knew she had to say it. She had to hurt him to protect him. “I don’t care how different we are.” _

_ “I do,” she said. Her voice and her hands were trembling. She didn’t want to do it. She didn’t have a choice. “I work at  _ Jaha’s.  _ I want to make something of myself. I can’t do that with you. It has to be over.” _

_ She had struggled to keep her eyes dry. It was the hardest thing she ever had to say. And it wasn’t true. But Cage Wallace has found out about the terrible things the Griffin’s and the Jaha’s had done to get to where they were. Things that could put her parents away forever. Things that she’d let slip. He was blackmailing her and she couldn’t let Bellamy get involved. He had too much to lose. She couldn’t do that to him.  _

_ “We can, Clarke,” Bellamy said softly. He reached for her again but she took a step back. “I love you.” _

_ “That’s not what this is to me,” Clarke lied. And it hurt. It was the furthest thing from the truth. But she had to hurt him, to protect him. “I don’t love you.” _

_ “I didn’t know you felt that way,” Bellamy said, his eyes turned stoney as he put the walls back up that Clarke only wanted to tear down.  _

_ “I’m sorry,” she said, turning on her heel. She had to leave before she took it all back and told him the truth. But she couldn’t do that. It wasn’t just her at stake anymore.  _

_ And so she’d left. Shattering her heart. Shattering Bellamy’s. Hurting him in the best way she could, to keep him safe. To protect her family.  _

_ She hadn’t had a choice. She had to do it.  _

She doesn’t cry as she remembers what happened. She’d run out of tears a long time ago. All she has left is anger. Anger at her parents for putting her in the position. Anger at the Wallace’s for finding out. Anger at herself for getting involved and digging into the past. 

There’s nothing she can do about it though. Even if she wanted to go and tell him everything and apologise. It’s not fair on him. She’d hurt him like no one else could. She’d made sure he wouldn’t want her back. 

That part of her life was behind her. She’d left Jaha’s, resigned from her position. She’d told her parents she wanted nothing to do with what they were doing. She’d moved into Raven’s tiny apartment. 

She’d told Cage he won. She was out. He could have her position. In return, he’d agreed to back off. 

But it was too late. She’d already hurt Bellamy. And now she could see how much happier he is without all the pain and drama that seems to follow her around. 

No one could hurt him like she did. But no one could love him that way either 

But he’s better without her. He’s happy. She’s big enough to see that. 

And she’s happy for him. 

But that doesn’t mean she can’t be sad for herself. 

\---- 

“Look,” Wells sighs, his voice not quite matching the way his mouth is moving because Clarke’s laptop is old and only held together by whatever Raven could do to fix it. “He’s moved on. And unless you can tell me  _ why  _ you broke up, all I can say is you’ll find someone too.”

“I can’t tell you that,” Clarke says. Wells doesn’t know what their parents had done. He’d left as well, moving to Somalia and working with an organisation building schools and giving kids access to education. Clarke couldn’t be prouder of him and knowing what the alternative is, she’s glad he’s so far away. “And I know. I just wanted to vent.”

“Okay,” Wells agrees, nodding his head and causing the screen to freeze. “Go ahead.” 

“He looks so much happier,” Clarke mutters. “And I’m happy for him because I know we could never have been like that. Which I  _ know _ and I know why we couldn’t and everything. But I loved him so much. I hurt him, but no one could love him like I did.” 

“And no one could hurt him that much either,” Wells reminds her. And it’s not unfair because it’s true. Wells is Bellamy’s friend too. He’d heard about the fallout of their relationship from both ends. And he didn’t understand it from either. 

“I know,” Clarke sighs, running her hand through her hair, wondering if Wells can see her clearer than she can see herself. “I broke his heart. I broke my own. But I’m over it. I miss him. But I’m over him. I want him to be happy.”

“Yep,” Wells mutters, the sarcasm obvious even through the bad connection. “I believe it.” 

Clarke sighs but doesn’t try to argue. She knows there is no point. Because while what she is saying might be true, Wells is never going to believe her. She’s over Bellamy. Sort of. She’s over him in the way that she misses and cares and even loves him, but she has moved on. She loves him too much to go back to him because the chances of him getting hurt again are too high. She isn’t willing to take the risk. 

“Whatever,” Clarke says, chipper than she feels. “I just wanted to bitch about my ex moving on before me and then tell you about the girl I went home with the other night.” 

She tells him about Lexa, skipping over all the bits that make it look like she’s pining after Bellamy. It suddenly becomes a much shorter story but it seems to satisfy Wells. 

“You’ll get there,” Wells says. “Go out with Lexa again or you’ll meet someone else. There is someone out there for you. You’ll get what Bellamy has too.” 

“I know,” Clarke sighs. “But it’s easier to complain.”

“This is why I moved to the other side of the world,” Wells teases. “So I only have to listen to you once a week.” 

“I hate you,” Clarke laughs. “How’s it going, anyway?” 

Wells tells her about what he’s doing and for a moment she’s able to forget about Bellamy and his new girlfriend. She’s not taking it personally. It’s just, she wishes she had done it differently. 

\----

“Look,” Raven says, as they get out of the Uber. “You just need another night out. Lexa wasn’t the right person. But there will be someone else. You can’t shut yourself away forever, Griffin.” 

“We don’t have to meet someone at the bar,” Clarke grumbles.

“No, we don’t,” Raven agrees. “But you also need a drink.”

“You’re the worst kind of friend,” Clarke tells her, as she follows her inside. It’s at least warmer and fairly quiet. It should be easy. This can be over quickly. 

Raven orders her a drink and Clarke obligingly brings the bottle to her lips. She’s not really in the mood for alcohol but she plasters a smile to her face and humours Raven. She’s trying to make her feel better and the least Clarke could do is put in the effort herself.

Raven introduces her to a guy that she even flirts with. His name is Cillian and he’s pretty funny and maybe there wouldn’t be any harm in going home with him. She doesn’t think he’s looking for much more than a night of fun. Which Clarke can provide. It might even make her feel better.

He buys her a few drinks and they dance a little. But then he disappears, promising he’ll be right back. She gets her phone out and scrolls Facebook to keep herself busy. It’s pretty mundane, mostly updates on the coming storm and a picture of Harper and Monty’s baby and someone she went to college with got a new job.

But then she stops scrolling. Because the next update is Bellamy’s.

She holds her empty bottle loosely between her fingers as she looks at the photo. She’d unfriended Bellamy fairly quickly after she’d broken up with him. She couldn’t handle seeing him being so okay on social media. But Raven has reacted to his photo with Echo with a heart and a comment and so it’s sitting there, in her newsfeed, taunting her with what she could have had. What she lost.

Their smiles are huge. Echo is laughing at whoever has the camera and Bellamy is looking at her with utter adoration. The way he used to look at Clarke. He’s captioned it with the pink heart with sparkles and it makes her own heart ache to look at.

They’d been together so secretly, they never got to smile like that at each other. Their whole relationship was stolen moments behind closed doors and prying eyes. She loved him so much. But it was all in secret. They’d told their friends but they never made it out into public because of her job and her mother and her name. And she should have. She shouldn’t have let this happen.

But she did. 

He’s happier. She can see it in his eyes. In his smile. In the girl in his arm. And he deserves to be happy. 

And she can’t tell him she made a mistake now. Not when he has a girl that looks at him like he’s hung the moon. Not when he’s _happier_. 

She can’t keep telling people she’s still in love with him. She’s got to move on. 

So when Cillian gets back to a table, she plasters a smile to her face. She can pretend she’s moving on too. 

_ But if she breaks his heart, like lovers do,  _

_ She’ll be waiting here, for you.  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Unedited. We die like men.


End file.
